Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
