hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
