Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
