Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
