...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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