I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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