I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
