Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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