I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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