My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
