You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
