the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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