You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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