A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i believe in u and ur pee
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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