I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
