I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
