If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize