i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
