Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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