she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I skipped work to stalk him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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