6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
