i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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