i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
