I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
