Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize