Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
