There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
