I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
