I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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