"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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