DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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