when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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