Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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