God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
