Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
third nipple confirmed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
