i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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