is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
