Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
