you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
