We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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