So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
