the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
