My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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