If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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