A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
