Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
