Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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