Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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