Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So many bounce houses so little time
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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