you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
