GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
