Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We need to get me chipped asap
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
