Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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