i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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