I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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