So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
