the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
