I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
