I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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